The interpenetration of the real and the ethereal worlds is a new (I can probably say permanent) reality for me. Every day I am drawn (I literally have this feeling) into the ethereal. I wake up in the morning in a rather standard mode, and then after an hour or two (usually), suddenly my reality blurs, thickens, becomes slowed down. I look with the same eyes, but I see things differently. Sounds reach me indistinctly, with noise. I feel as if I were dazed. I move automatically, as if from memory.
I had an incident at the gym that showed me what I am currently dealing with. I usually go to two or three places to work out. I know the location of the equipment, so my recent symptoms did not affect my activities too much. However, one day there was a slight shift in the gym, some of the machines were taken out of use (problems with electronics, displays). I did not notice it at all. I did not see any boards with information about the machines being taken out of use. Before my eyes I had a preserved, as if archival image of the machines. Since there was no problem with the devices themselves, but with the electronics, I didn’t feel that something was wrong. I acted automatically. At one point, an elderly lady who was exercising next to me approached me and tried to explain something to me. I didn’t hear her. At first, I perceived her as a neutral object. Only after a while did I regain some consciousness, so that I could hear her, so that I could get up and look at the device with a different eye. I was surprised! Shocked. I had two different images of the place I was in! It made me think.
It is true that I rather have a place for each thing, each object. I often act automatically. I rather have the same patterns of action when I am at home. Then I can allow myself to “go off”. However, when I go outside, to meet people, to public places, to the store, to work, I feel a bit like I am sleepwalking in a changing environment.
In the last few days I was in Prague. New places, new environment. Constant sightseeing. Constantly being among people. I was not alone for a moment. I was hoping I wouldn’t drift away too much. I was generally aware of reality. I only started drifting away in restaurants twice. To somehow stay in the real world, I drank alcohol and a lot of coffee. It helped, but I know that this is not the right preventive method.
This new state is breaking up my previous system of action. I admit that I feel like I’ve just crossed the gate to the next level of advancement. Dreams have returned to me. They now play a very important role – every night I receive new information, new tips, explanations. This gives me a sense of support, for which I am extremely grateful. I am aware that from the outside I look like a random person, I don’t really stand out. Nobody really sees that a great transformation is happening inside me. This also doesn’t give me an excuse for my behavior, for ceasing to “exist” here.
Despite all this, however, I feel peace. Huge peace. Bliss. Acceptance. Understanding. Love. Gratitude.
I am also constantly in a wave of warmth and inner heat. I constantly have to drink water. There are still sensations in the body, movements in the head, shifting pains… One day both of my thumbs hurt a lot – I couldn’t hold objects in the gym. Later, I received a graphic in the commentary on this situation, which explained that the thumbs mean fire. Kundalini is fire. That day I was burning from the inside. I was sweating very intensely.
Someone once said that it is impossible to take a clear picture of my eyes – they are permanently glazed. That’s how I feel. Not very clearly. Two worlds overlap. Reality is less noticeable. Certain images, sensations, visions come to it. What used to happen during sleep and meditation, now happens in parallel with the state of my ordinary functioning.
At this moment I am also in a new mode (2 in 1). I feel pleasant, intense vibrations in my whole body (this is an almost constant feeling lately, which can sometimes also be felt physically by touching me). I feel heat that radiates outwards. I feel a constant need to hydrate – every few minutes. There are pressure points in my head. They constantly change location. I hear electrical noise. I see as if through a fog. Various thoughts/voices/images, clues appear. Now I feel increasing pressure in my head and pressure in the occipital part on the left side. It may sound strange, but I feel oneness with the electrical devices around me. I hear electricity and I feel electricity myself. I feel that the energy in me is moving in the direction, upwards.
I practice mindfulness. I work on it.
New symptoms of spiritual awakening lead me to the light, but distance me from others. I have drifted so far into a new state that I do not feel like having deeper interpersonal contacts. I am cutting off various acquaintances, limiting myself only to essential matters. At the same time, my blockages have disappeared. I no longer feel: fear, shame, stress, hatred, resistance, inability to achieve something. I have the impression that everything is achievable – the issue is the certainty of the goal.
For me, spiritual growth has become the main goal. And so it is. I want to develop spiritually and at the same time be able to earn money for myself, to be able to support myself. This makes me want to experience these two dimensions (ethereal and reality) at the same time. What is happening now goes beyond any of my imagination. I am grateful that I have guidance in this. Certainty of support.
I think that some time ago I would have written a dozen or even several dozen points in response to the question of what I would like to achieve, what I am striving for. Now I have one goal, and everything else is included in it. Spiritual growth means development, knowledge, love, peace, joy, beauty, pleasure, lightness, strength, vitality, abundance, right relationships… I believe that focusing on this clear goal will create a reality rich in the aforementioned goods.