How much can change in a week? A lot! Kundalini is a process that cannot be missed. Even if you have not heard about spiritual awakening before, you feel with your whole being that something great is happening in you and around you. And of course, an explanation appears. Suddenly, after 4,5 years, I felt a change that surprised me with its intensity. This change is happening right now.
On Monday, 30.06.2025, late in the afternoon, I felt a sudden emotional drop. My heart and throat chakras became very active. I felt a huge sadness, and I had no reason to. Nothing had happened in my life, and on Monday morning I was in a wonderful mood. With each passing hour, I felt a deeper pain, sadness, as if longing – was it longing for love? I began to consider the issue of the twin ray. Did I feel something connected to my twin? It was a mystery to me.
On the night from Monday to Tuesday (30.06/01.07.2025), a lot of things happened. I again felt the movements in my spine that I had known before – a feeling of painful, moving fire in the area of the entire spine. In particular, I was bothered by a painful burning in the neck area. I was immobilized, as if overpowered. I fell asleep later than usual, tired from the heavy physical and mental experiences.
I woke up suddenly, as if on impulse. I looked at my watch – it was 3:33 at night. I was vibrating all over. Powerfully. I felt a heaviness in my heart, difficulty breathing, tension in my shoulders and neck. I felt the heat. At the same time, the already enormous sadness grew even more. I wanted to cry, although I didn’t know why. I felt an enormous longing, as if for love. I kept repeating the question, is this connected with a twin ray? Who else could I miss so painfully and poignantly? I felt so torn.
Suddenly I heard a voice. I heard and felt a tender whisper by my right ear. It was one word. Completely incomprehensible to me.
Despite knowing that I was definitely not alone in this, that there were souls around me – as evidenced by the huge amount of signs I was receiving, as evidenced by that voice… – I still felt an overwhelming, painful sadness.
I went to the gym hoping that I would get it off my chest with more physical effort. But that didn’t happen. Tears were streaming down my face at work. I felt so sad. I felt an excruciating loneliness. I took deep breaths. I felt a heaviness in my chest and a stupor. I was numb. So much pain that I didn’t understand. What happened? I wanted this situation to be explained so badly.
Around 11 a.m. the weight started to lift off me. On its own. I felt relief. I summoned a good mood.
I noticed that I had a focus that I hadn’t known before. I wrote about ADHD in my previous post – that it was better. And in a short time I felt like it had completely passed! I was surprised that I suddenly stopped feeling the need to perform all these movements, actions that were previously impossible for me to skip. I stopped feeling the need to read notifications immediately after receiving them. I stopped feeling internal impulses telling me to do many things at once. I started thinking before taking action. I started calculating the importance of actions. I was able to wait with an answer until I had thought it over, verified it. I felt relief! I didn’t realize how much of an impact hyperactivity had on me. Such a wonderful peace appeared in me…
Despite my concentration, the movements in my spine, the numbness in my neck and shoulders, and the painful movements in my head did not subside. My emotional state was not very stable. It was not very visible on the outside, but inside I felt a struggle. I felt fluctuations. I had a surge of happiness, and after a moment I was hit by the pain of sadness and emotional fatigue with that characteristic pain in my chest, shortness of breath, and deafness. And so it happened every day.
A greater devastation hit me again on Friday, July 4, my birthday. At night I was vibrating strongly and could not fall asleep. After waking up, I was extremely tired and with a sense of great sadness and longing. The thought appeared again, is it a matter of the twin? It was difficult for me to identify the source of this feeling. I had fluctuations throughout the day. I would be calmer at times, and then suddenly I would want to cry. It was hard for me. Especially because I did not understand the origin of this situation. No wishes made me feel better, although I tried to show gratitude and joy to the people who gave them to me. Now that I feel better, I am even more grateful for all those kind words and gestures! They definitely helped!
On Saturday, so yesterday, I felt better, I felt relief compared to the previous days. Today I continue this relative stability. I feel a very strong grounding, which makes me feel like I am being pulled by the legs. I like this feeling. With it comes peace. However, there is a sense of something very deep and new in my well-being.
During this week, I kept thinking that I was breaking up with something. As if it was the end, and at the same time a new beginning. I felt as if with my birthday I really began to exist completely anew. But not on a yearly scale. More on a life scale. As if it was a new beginning. What was before was supposed to be preparation for what is starting now.
I feel as if I have grown up now. I no longer feel like having impermanent (any) relationships. I don’t feel like having momentary whims. It’s gone. Like ADHD. It’s gone.
Now I’m focused on permanence, on long-term thinking, on building and implementing what I start or have already started. Now, as I write about it, I feel a surge of happiness, because I have the impression that now I will be able to implement long-term projects. I dreamed of stability and I have a feeling that this stage of life is opening up to me. I still want to learn, experience, develop, but without the chaos that accompanied me before. Acting in a controlled, specific way and with a real ending – this seems so achievable to me with the way I feel now!
I am so grateful!
I hope that this pain, this tearing apart will not come back. That I have solved the mystery of the painful experiences from the last week. That it was a farewell to the inhibitions that I had inside me, maybe from the EGO. I hope that if I am allowed to experience a relationship with my twin, about whom I thought so much during this time – it will be only positive. There is too much excruciating pain that I don’t know if I can bear on a larger scale. May I never find out.
Thank you!