To begin with – before I expand on this entry – I must emphasize that I am an introvert. This means that I recharge my energy, regenerate, and feel best in the long run when I am alone with myself.
I often mention that I have an INTJ personality type, so that people around me can better understand my behavior and my need for solitude. The atmosphere around me matters immensely, as does the ability to work, function, and live without people being too close. It has always been draining for me when someone took too much interest in me, surrounded me, or spent too much time near me. It caused blockages, confusion, difficulties in focusing or working, and eventually aversion toward that person.
I can confidently say that my need for freedom, independence, and personal space has a huge influence on why I never decided to enter a permanent relationship and why I don’t feel the desire to have children.
The Kundalini process has made me even more sensitive to energies than before. Since childhood, I used to say I was like a sponge – absorbing the emotions of those around me. It was clearly noticeable and extremely exhausting. I never imagined it could intensify, but now I know that it can – and I understand why.
Spiritual awakening brings accelerated growth meant to lead us toward ascension. Growth means the elevation of our vibration. Our light expands, dissolving inner blockages and allowing energy to flow freely. Kundalini purifies and restores.
The more blockages and limitations we carry, the harder and longer the process becomes. Ideally, one would surrender completely – without internal or external factors that slow it down.
As our energy rises, we become far more sensitive to much lower vibrations. What once didn’t bother us may now drain us deeply.
I have experienced nausea, fainting, my legs giving way, tears, or shortness of breath in situations where someone is loudly complaining, shouting, swearing, or acting violently. It takes me many hours to recover and regain balance. For that, I need solitude, isolation, meditation, and grounding.
It is hard for me to imagine how extroverted people function. I pay tremendous attention to the energy of those I interact with. If I feel someone is draining me, I avoid contact and distance myself. During my school years and for several years after, I was more social. In recent months, however, being among people – or even interacting online – has become overwhelmingly exhausting.
To understand me, imagine that after a few minutes of conversation – or simply standing next to someone – you start feeling dizzy, weak, lose your ability to think rationally, and the only thought you have is to move away, sit down, and catch your breath because you feel seconds away from fainting. Afterwards, for hours, you breathe with difficulty, tears flow from your eyes, and you feel your body trembling from the circulation of energy that needs grounding and transformation into a higher form.
Going to public places, entering stores, living in certain locations, or traveling with particular people becomes a challenge. The need for selectivity arises. You stop going to places where you might encounter lower energies, and you avoid peak hours. You constantly evaluate risks and possibilities. Friends become those who give you space, freedom, and understanding – and who vibrate on a suitably high level.
The Kundalini awakening has made me deeply committed to caring for myself and maintaining balance. My strength and psychological comfort have become my priorities. They come at a cost, but that no longer matters, because spiritual development has become the main goal. Material aspects are meant to support it – they are tools that help foster growth.