Yesterday marked five years since the “spontaneous” Kundalini initiation. Since then, a great deal has changed. The process of spiritual awakening is very intense, yet it is also the most profound and beautiful experience – one for which I feel deep gratitude.
Throughout my entire life, I have felt an inner need to write. As early as the age of seven, I tried to write books, yet because I had ADHD, it was difficult for me to complete long-term projects. Writing poems and song lyrics came much more naturally to me. I wrote dozens of them every day. I had so many texts that I stored them in a shed outside the house. Some of them I took to school, where I had designated spaces for my writing on hallway boards as well as in the classroom. My poems also appeared in local newspapers and books. Later on, I wrote song lyrics, which I sold to those who were interested. The strong desire to write a book never left me. I came up with the idea of writing it gradually – like poetry – but in a continuous form, so that at the right moment I could gather everything into one coherent, clear whole.
When, in January 2024, I was invited to edit a book about Kundalini, I felt it was a sign that once I finished that work, I should focus on my own book. The fifth anniversary of my spiritual awakening seemed like the right moment to publish my first fully personal work. From the spring of 2024, I began gathering all of my notes into one place. While transcribing my writings into digital form, I felt a sense of fulfillment I had never experienced before. Many new awakening symptoms appeared during that time. I noticed how strongly contact with content that resonates with us influences our growth.
I am a deeply introverted person – I find it easy to express myself through written words, but I do not feel comfortable being physically visible, for example in recordings or on stage. Writing is my form of expression. In my surroundings, expression more often takes the form of painting, drawing, speaking, recording oneself, or being an instructor or group therapist. There are many ways of sharing one’s thoughts and creativity. What matters is choosing the form that aligns with who we are and sharing what is growing within us in that way.
Spiritual awakening (which I refer to as Kundalini, as this term began to appear intensively in my life immediately after the experience) is a continuous process. It feels endless, because development itself has no end. We may speak of completing certain stages or of full awakening, yet in reality consciousness continues to expand, just as the world itself continues to change.
I have far more reflections and observations than those included in the book. I feel, however, that before writing the next ones, I need to experience a little more. As if on cue, in recent days my eyes opened to something that had intrigued me throughout my entire life – something I had asked myself about almost daily: “Why does this happen?” On Friday (January 30), the answer emerged within me. Yesterday, I was completely immobilized. I felt very strong flows of energy within me. I did the bare minimum, lacking the strength to move. This stillness caused me to focus deeply on my thoughts. Today, physical strength has returned. I feel energy moving within me, especially in my head. On the fifth anniversary of Kundalini, I received the answer to the question that had troubled me for so long. Now that I see meaning and purpose, I feel motivated to change a certain part of my life – to bring more love and understanding into it.
Five years after awakening is both a long time and a short one. Time signifies movement. Many things have happened and continue to happen – things I now see differently than I once would have. I know that much more will reveal itself to me, and I feel a strong desire and motivation to document it in a form that is true to who I am.
I am grateful for everything and everyone who has contributed to my growth. Growth occurs where there are lessons to be processed and learned – lessons that arise from both hardship and love. I observe changes within myself day by day. Over the past year, I have gained the ability to focus, which allowed me to publish a book and complete many things that had been trailing behind me for a long time. A deep love has emerged within me – so strong that I have even noticed myself becoming emotionally moved by beauty, something that had not happened before. I have developed a strong need to organize my life, simplify my space, focus on naturalness, and let go of excess and artificiality. Gradually, I am freeing myself. I have noticed how deeply certain matters intertwine and how demanding it can be to limit their presence in one’s space.
Awakening is not isolation from the world, but cooperation within it. I have many reflections on this subject. The coming years should shape within me a conscious, responsible, and mature form of coexistence – one that I will gladly continue to share.